


The Only Drink for Real Men

by TellMeNoAgain



Series: Monster Mash and Fall Feels October 2020 [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Derogatory Language, Fall Feelings, Fall Five Challenge, Flash is a Pissant Punk, Gen, The Avengers Save the Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:42:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26820829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TellMeNoAgain/pseuds/TellMeNoAgain
Summary: A fic based around my Fall Five: Sweater, Chai Tea Latte, Halloween, Cider, S’moresThis one is Chai Tea Latte.Peter's Chai Tea Latte, to be exact.Snuggle in for some fall feelings, perfect for this weather!
Series: Monster Mash and Fall Feels October 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956196
Comments: 21
Kudos: 34





	The Only Drink for Real Men

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thanks to the cheer-readers over in the WriterBuddies Discord Server! Livvibee, personaljunkdrawer, SamTheSnake, Orchidaexa, TedraKitty, mindwiped, and I think WinterIronCap, anyone else on there who also has a Ao3 should speak up so I can give love!
> 
> And thank you, as well, to my betas jf4m and mindwiped. Here's a fall chai tea latte to snuggle up with, from me to you!

“Large chai tea latte,” asked Peter timidly.

“One L chai, got it, you want it warm or iced, hon?” asked the savage looking young woman at the register.

“Warm,” breathed Peter.

“Heat ‘er up, $5.50,” agreed the woman, nodding to the card reader.

Peter swiped his card and went to go stand with the other people in the reception line, shoulders hunched just a little.

“Did you just order,” laughed a familiar voice behind him, and Peter whirled, heart racing, because he’d specifically come to the shop at this time of the morning exactly to avoid- “a chai latte like a _girl_ , Penis Parker?” 

Fuck. Flash. Of course. Stalking from the shadows, tucked in one of the little corners around the shop. Great. Perfect. Gross.

Peter rolled his eyes. “Still a free country, still allowed to order whatever I like, still nothing wrong with being a girl, Flash,” he pointed out.

“Sure,” hooted Flash, his young, stupid face breaking into a dopey looking grin. God, Peter hated that grin. “But could you _possibly_ get more gay? I mean, seriously, could you be more effeminate, and not just wander around looking for a savior? Why not just go for the full sex change and _commit_ for once?”

Goddamnit, Peter hated that Flash went to his same middle school, and he hated that Flash lived in Peter’s neighborhood, and he hated that Flash therefore frequented Peter’s favorite local coffeeshop. He fucking hated the douchebag. And everywhere he turned, the asshole was just… there.

The man at the register ordered, in a voice that sounded like rough road and whiskey, “Large chai latte, hot.” Peter gulped and peeked at him, shocked. The man’s back was turned to him, but he was _huge_ , even bigger in his bulky jean jacket with the hoodie underneath, his midnight hair just a little longer than was currently stylish.

“Yeah, one for me, too,” said the next guy, eagerly, and Peter blinked because the guy was also really buff, too, his hair shaved tight and with a really badass design, like a eagle’s head or something, along one side. “I hear it’s the only drink for men who don’t want to be mistaken for pissant little punks who need an attitude adjustment.”

“Hi, yes, I’m an actual grown man, and comfortable with my sexuality, so I’d like a large chai tea latte,” sighed the next man in line, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking slightly out of place next to the two gym-wolves next to him with his graying curls and general air of distracted softness.

“Make it four,” said the huge blonde behind him. “Although I _could_ possibly get more gay,” he said consideringly.

“You could not,” muttered the first guy while the second snorted and the third blushed.

“Hi, Steve Rogers,” the blonde man said to Flash with a huge grin, putting his hand out. “I don’t like jerks, and I’m really hoping either you’re gonna grow up in the next three seconds, or be fine with taking this outside, whichever one.”

“He’s a kid,” muttered the third man, as Flash stammered something, probably stupid. Peter didn’t catch it, though, because-

“He’s a jerk,” said the black-haired man, reaching past Peter for a cup holder. Peter startled back, just in case he was in the guy’s way somehow. “Stark, what do you want?”

“Uh, I mean, I think I missed something key here, but I’m really much more basic,” said the fifth man, the door to the shop closing behind him, and Peter goggled, almost tripping over his backpack in his sudden rush of shock. That was _Tony_ _Stark_ , in his _coffeehouse_ , and _why?! Why today? Why right now? Oh. My. God._ “Care to make me my first pumpkin spice latte of the season?” he asked the woman at the register, who didn’t blink as she snapped back, “What size?”

“Whatever is the biggest cup in this fine establishment,” _Tony Fucking Stark_ informed her. “Lots of whip.”

“Super,” she said, blinking her heavily mascaraed eyes at him, and then added, “That all, or you wanna try our muffins, gentlemen?”

“You got scones?” asked the third- oh my God, was that _Bruce Banner?!_ With _Tony Stark?!_ In Peter’s local coffee shop?! Ned was _never_ going to believe this story. Of course Bruce Banner knew Tony Stark, that perfectly explained where he disappeared to. He probably helped out at SI!

“We got scones,” said the barista, after a quick consultation of the case. “Five?” she asked pertly.

“Better make it six, Nat’ll be here soon,” said Bruce Goddamn Banner in a worried tone.

“OooOoooh, scones for your girlfriend,” sing-songed Tony Fucking Stark. He held out a charge card, poised to swipe it. “Better make it seven,” he corrected, “because I guarantee you if Clint finds out we’ve stopped for coffee-”

“Seven scones,” interrupted the barista. “Anything else?”

“Nah, that’s good,” said Tony Fucking Stark. “We know where to find you if we want more. Steve, you done fucking with that kid?”

“We’ve had a chat, and he’s decided gay rights are human rights, women should be respected, and he should be more careful razzing his friends in public where other people can hear and form opinions about his character,” said Steve easily.

Peter snorted and hefted his backpack as the barista called, “Peter? Your usual!”

“Thanks, Maria,” he muttered, flicking his eyes up to meet hers, as she smiled sympathetically. 

“You have a good day, Peter, take a cookie,” she told him firmly.

“Yeah, thanks, thank you, ma’am,” he told her earnestly, grabbing one from the basket. Maria was actually one of his favorite parts of this cafe. He usually didn’t have to order his drink out loud, but the register barista was new. She sure seemed like she’d go far, though, she had the right attitude for manning the till at this place. The display case was light on muffins today, and given the way she made the suggestion of muffins sound more like an offer of amnesty, well, Peter figured she’d be good for Maria’s bottom line.

“You have a good day,” Maria repeated, just as firmly, as he settled the backpack straps on his shoulders and tried to figure out how to get through the crowd of broad shoulders and _scientific minds of the century_ in front of him.

“You, too,” he mumbled, deciding to slide along the counter.

“Hey,” said the guy named Steve.

Peter froze, steps from the door and safety, the leaf-shaped cookie clenched tightly in one hand, the chai latte burning his other hand a little because he hadn’t stopped for one of the cardboard insulators. 

“Good job ordering what you wanted,” Steve said.

“Uh, thanks, guy,” said Peter, flushing and shouldering the door open. _Jesus._

“Oooh,” said the rough road voice behind him, “hey, the kid’s onto something, this is really fucking good!”

“It’s like liquid pumpkin pie, Tony,” said Steve, beside Peter. “Why didn’t you tell us about this?”

“Fuck, I mean, did we even cover the moon landing yet, guys?” said Tony Fucking Stark. “There’s only so much time in a day.”

“Plenty of time to cover chai tea lattes, dammit,” said the rough road voice, as the door shut behind Peter.

_That. Was. Awesome._ thought Peter. But no one was gonna believe it. This is why he needed a cell phone, he could have been taking video the whole time. Ben kept saying he wouldn’t buy Peter one until Peter was in high school but c’mon. _C’mon._

No one would ever believe him.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun, right? Feel free to rec me something that gets you in the mood to enjoy this season, OR scream at me that you want to do a fall five challenge, too! I'd love to read what you're writing out there!
> 
> Anyway, I'm going to be writing a fall/Halloween fic for every day this month, this year, even if they're not long and are just snippets like this one. I AM ALSO IN EDITING FOR THE NEXT STORY OF EVERY AU, so everybody relax. It's okay to have fun and just WRITE TO WRITE. Y'all'll get your plotty stuff, too.


End file.
